This is the good news...
Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God.
All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else.
But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) (NLT - Ephesians 2:1-4)
God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done [thank God or we would all be doomed!], so none of us can boast about it.
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. (NLT - Ephesians 2:8-10)
When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.
I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.
And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen. (NLT - Ephesians 3:14-20)
Take heart my friend. Jesus did all the work for you. Now go rest in his love.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Behavior Modification or Heart Transformation?
Just some thoughts...
It is difficult to live with an addict. The first thing you want to do is change their behavior. You yell at them to stop drinking, stop smoking, stop spending, stop eating, stop raging. But the addict will never change that way. Trying to change their behavior by criticism is like batting at feathers in the wind. It makes it worse. It won't work.
Why? Because you are confronting the problem backwards -- upside down.
Most addicts use their addiction to soothe emotional pain or trauma. When the heart is broken -- by shame, loss, failure -- it seeks something to calm the pain.
It looks something like this...
"Oh, that shopping trip made me feel so good! But I'm feeling down again, so I think I'll go back to the mall for a pick-me-up. I won't buy anything, just walk around." Eventually, after hours of shopping, they come home with three bags of purchases and maxed out credit cards. When the addict sees the debt piling higher, shame hits them square in the nose.
Or...
"WOW! That drink made me feel so happy and relaxed. I had so much fun. I could use a little fun now. I think I will grab a quick drink to cheer me up." Three hours later, they are still drinking and now they are drunk. Shame kicks in...the cycle continues. The addict's heart is bleeding pain, and relationships are starting to suffer.
When this happens, don't complain to the addict about their behavior. If you have already confronted their behavior in the past, they are well aware you disapprove. Constant reminders of their failures will heap more guilt and shame onto that broken heart of theirs. And that hurtful shame will drive them to run to their addiction again for solace. And the cycle continues...
So what does work? What will mend that broken heart?
Love will.
The heart needs to be healed with love. When the addict is tenderly loved, their heart becomes transformed. The wounded heart of that addict needs to feel cared for, supported, and treated with dignity. When this happens, the heart will begin to heal -- and the defeated addict will bloom into a person of hope.
This kind of love will speak words of encouragement to them. Love says, "I know you are better than your addiction is portraying you to be." Love will focus on their gifts and talents, and restore hope in their potential. And when the addict responds by running back to their addiction, love doesn't give up. Love is patient. Love endures any hardship.
Most importantly, love will never focus on the addict's latest failure. Love keeps no record of wrong doing. The addict knows what they did wrong. They don't need you to reinforce their shame and shatter their heart with your pointing finger.
Instead, loves treats the wounded with dignity, and looks past the action to see the person. Love is constant. It says, "Nothing will ever change my love for you."
When you love like this, unconditionally and with consistency, the addict will begin to believe your words, and believe in themself again. They will become transformed in their heart by this radical love.
And here's the miracle of love...when that heart completely heals, the addict will quietly push away the addiction because it will no longer serve a purpose.
I am not saying this is easy to do. Love requires courage and patience. But if you give radical love, you will get radical results. Love will overcome.
This is why God's love -- once believed -- changes so many people overnight. When people realize God loves them unconditionally, it blows them away. It did me. At first I couldn't believe it. I thought I wasn't good enough for God. Later, I thought I had to earn His love. But after consistently sensing His ever present, faithful love for me, I realized that no matter how bad my behavior, God still loved me -- Diane, the person -- with an everlasting love. God didn't define His love for me by my actions or performance. He just simply loved me.
He never shamed me for my failures and addictions. He just reached out and said, "I love you. Follow Me." And when I received His love, the addictions were powerless to hold me any longer.
Each day I am transformed a little more by His love. Now I enjoy His love every minute of every day. I am surrounded by His unfailing, faithful, trustworthy love for me -- and I know I don't deserve it!! But that kind of love gives me the courage to get up every day and walk stronger and straighter than the day before. I believe in my worth (which causes me to raise my behavioral standard) because God says I am worth it -- the gift of His Son -- the gift so undeserved that made me His beloved.
You can trust this Love to heal your situation. Love always, always, always wins. It is the single most powerful force in heaven and on this earth. Remember, God IS love. Is there anything more powerful than God?
It is difficult to live with an addict. The first thing you want to do is change their behavior. You yell at them to stop drinking, stop smoking, stop spending, stop eating, stop raging. But the addict will never change that way. Trying to change their behavior by criticism is like batting at feathers in the wind. It makes it worse. It won't work.
Why? Because you are confronting the problem backwards -- upside down.
Most addicts use their addiction to soothe emotional pain or trauma. When the heart is broken -- by shame, loss, failure -- it seeks something to calm the pain.
It looks something like this...
"Oh, that shopping trip made me feel so good! But I'm feeling down again, so I think I'll go back to the mall for a pick-me-up. I won't buy anything, just walk around." Eventually, after hours of shopping, they come home with three bags of purchases and maxed out credit cards. When the addict sees the debt piling higher, shame hits them square in the nose.
Or...
"WOW! That drink made me feel so happy and relaxed. I had so much fun. I could use a little fun now. I think I will grab a quick drink to cheer me up." Three hours later, they are still drinking and now they are drunk. Shame kicks in...the cycle continues. The addict's heart is bleeding pain, and relationships are starting to suffer.
When this happens, don't complain to the addict about their behavior. If you have already confronted their behavior in the past, they are well aware you disapprove. Constant reminders of their failures will heap more guilt and shame onto that broken heart of theirs. And that hurtful shame will drive them to run to their addiction again for solace. And the cycle continues...
So what does work? What will mend that broken heart?
Love will.
The heart needs to be healed with love. When the addict is tenderly loved, their heart becomes transformed. The wounded heart of that addict needs to feel cared for, supported, and treated with dignity. When this happens, the heart will begin to heal -- and the defeated addict will bloom into a person of hope.
This kind of love will speak words of encouragement to them. Love says, "I know you are better than your addiction is portraying you to be." Love will focus on their gifts and talents, and restore hope in their potential. And when the addict responds by running back to their addiction, love doesn't give up. Love is patient. Love endures any hardship.
Most importantly, love will never focus on the addict's latest failure. Love keeps no record of wrong doing. The addict knows what they did wrong. They don't need you to reinforce their shame and shatter their heart with your pointing finger.
Instead, loves treats the wounded with dignity, and looks past the action to see the person. Love is constant. It says, "Nothing will ever change my love for you."
When you love like this, unconditionally and with consistency, the addict will begin to believe your words, and believe in themself again. They will become transformed in their heart by this radical love.
And here's the miracle of love...when that heart completely heals, the addict will quietly push away the addiction because it will no longer serve a purpose.
I am not saying this is easy to do. Love requires courage and patience. But if you give radical love, you will get radical results. Love will overcome.
This is why God's love -- once believed -- changes so many people overnight. When people realize God loves them unconditionally, it blows them away. It did me. At first I couldn't believe it. I thought I wasn't good enough for God. Later, I thought I had to earn His love. But after consistently sensing His ever present, faithful love for me, I realized that no matter how bad my behavior, God still loved me -- Diane, the person -- with an everlasting love. God didn't define His love for me by my actions or performance. He just simply loved me.
He never shamed me for my failures and addictions. He just reached out and said, "I love you. Follow Me." And when I received His love, the addictions were powerless to hold me any longer.
Each day I am transformed a little more by His love. Now I enjoy His love every minute of every day. I am surrounded by His unfailing, faithful, trustworthy love for me -- and I know I don't deserve it!! But that kind of love gives me the courage to get up every day and walk stronger and straighter than the day before. I believe in my worth (which causes me to raise my behavioral standard) because God says I am worth it -- the gift of His Son -- the gift so undeserved that made me His beloved.
You can trust this Love to heal your situation. Love always, always, always wins. It is the single most powerful force in heaven and on this earth. Remember, God IS love. Is there anything more powerful than God?
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